The Absence of Spiritual Leadership

Feeling like your husband isn’t fully embracing the role of Spiritual Leader can make it seem like your family is missing a vital component of its foundation. Every household deserves to thrive under nurturing spiritual leadership that promotes growth and harmony. If you’re feeling unsupported or unsure about how to deepen spiritual connections at home, you’re not alone. We want to empower you and your husband to take on spiritual responsibilities that enrich your family’s faith journey, ensuring everyone feels involved and cherished.

Understanding and Setting Expectations

The role of a Spiritual Leader in the home may mean something entirely different for you than it does to your husband. Your expectations might be influenced by your father’s example if he was a strong spiritual presence, shaping your view of what spiritual leadership should look like daily. Alternatively, if you grew up in a home with less emphasis on spiritual leadership, your expectations may be different. Start by clearly defining your expectations—for your husband and yourself. A great way to begin is with a brain dump: grab a notebook or open the Notes app on your phone and do a brain dump. Get everything in your brain out on paper. They don’t need to be organized or perfectly articulated at this stage; just get everything out. Later, you can sift through these thoughts to identify and prioritize what’s most important to you.

Engaging in Open Conversations

Once you have a solid understanding of what your spiritual leadership expectations should entail, discussing it with your husband is crucial. Share your desires for spiritual leadership and explore how both of you can contribute to nurturing this role within your family. Yes, spiritual leadership involves both of you supporting, holding accountable, and encouraging each other in faith. Ephesians 5:23 emphasizes, “For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church.” However, this doesn’t mean he’s expected to shoulder every responsibility alone. Avoid setting yourself up for disappointment by clearly communicating your expectations. It’s essential not just to list tasks but to express why these aspects of spiritual leadership are important to you and discuss what achieving them would mean for your family.

Learning from Deborah’s Leadership

Be prepared to be like Deborah. Deborah was a prophet who was judging Israel. Deborah sent for Barak, one of the men of Israel. She told him what the Lord wanted him to do–lead the nation of Israel to victory over one of its oppressors, Sisera. Through Deborah, God told Barak, “…There I will give you victory over him.” Judges 4:7b For whatever reason, Barak didn’t fully step into the leadership role God called him to, “Barak told her, I will go, but only if you go with me.” Judges 4:8

Creating Spiritual Rituals Together

Establishing regular spiritual practices like nightly prayers, weekly scripture readings, or attending church services together can significantly strengthen your family’s faith connection. These rituals fill leadership gaps and give your husband opportunities to grow into his spiritual role. As 1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, “So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.”

God knows your desire for your husband to lead your family spiritually. Be confident He will sustain you and give you exactly what you need as He works in your husband to bring him to a place where he can trust Him and step into the role God will equip him to do. 

Conversation Starters

1. What does spiritual leadership look like to you, and how does that compare to my view?
2. How can we both contribute to spiritual leadership in our home?
3. Which spiritual activities or rituals do you think could bring our family closer together?
4. How can we support each other in taking on spiritual responsibilities within our family?
5. Can we set a regular time each week to discuss our spiritual progress and challenges as a family?

tl;dr

• Address the importance of spiritual leadership to foster growth and harmony within the family.
• Clearly define and discuss expectations of spiritual leadership with your husband.
• Use the example of Deborah to inspire active participation in spiritual duties at home.
• Establish consistent spiritual rituals to enhance family unity and support your husband’s spiritual development.
• Maintain open communication to ensure you and your husband feel supported and involved in your family’s spiritual journey.

Helpful Resource

Cheat Sheet: Couples Bible Study